dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
