Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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