I can tuck mytits in my pants
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
