Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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