no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
