Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
