I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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