I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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