Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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