ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
