oh god the rape fog is back!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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