I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
