I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
