Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
