And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
