My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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