paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
