you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
