then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
