Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
