Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
