I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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