i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
