Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
