What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
