remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
