Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
