every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
