dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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