??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My breath smells like gin and sadness
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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