his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
