Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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