tell your sister to shave her snatch
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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