if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
