Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize