True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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