You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
