How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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