im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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