I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
