Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
whose parrot is this?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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