My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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