how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
