OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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