cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
