The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
