Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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