Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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