they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
