oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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