Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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