Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
