She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
