brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
