Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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