I just saw a hot homeless man
you traded sex for a burrito?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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