Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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