make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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