I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
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I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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