Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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