I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
