Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
