my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
