He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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