remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level