Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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