Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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