the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
