I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize