I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
