Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
