she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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