Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
