We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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