I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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