please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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