my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
