Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
