Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
