and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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