The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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