I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
